{"id":393,"date":"2010-01-04T10:07:37","date_gmt":"2010-01-04T09:07:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/?p=393"},"modified":"2010-01-04T16:27:03","modified_gmt":"2010-01-04T15:27:03","slug":"jxd-se-zeni-ctenar-rx-peni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/?p=393","title":{"rendered":"JXD se \u017een\u00ed, \u010dten\u00e1\u0159 RX p\u011bn\u00ed"},"content":{"rendered":"

Haimi<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

N\u011bjak se to seb\u011bhlo, \u017ee kdy\u017e vezmete do ruky noviny, nesly\u0161\u00edte u\u017e rok o ni\u010dem jin\u00e9m ne\u017e o svatb\u00e1ch pana Ji\u0159\u00edho. Nejd\u0159\u00edv do toho pr\u00e1skne bujn\u011b tvarovan\u00fd veksl\u00e1k Paroubek se svou rachitickou \u017eenou – a te\u010f si pro zm\u011bnu rachitick\u00fd konopn\u00fd baron JXD bere bujnou studentku psychologie. P\u0159edvolebn\u00ed tah Erica Cartmana \u010desk\u00e9 politiky s \u00fa\u0161klebkem p\u0159ejdeme. Ale reality show, kterou n\u00e1s Reflex posledn\u00ed \u010d\u00edsla vydatn\u011b obla\u017eoval, zasluhuje alespo\u0148 sukovici s dvojit\u00fdm klyst\u00fdrem.
\n\"\"<\/a>
\n
\n\u010cl\u00e1nky doyena boje proti extremismu, kter\u00fd sv\u00fdmi n\u00e1zory str\u010d\u00ed do kapsy radik\u00e1ln\u00ed levici i pravici, ji\u017e del\u0161\u00ed dobu navozuj\u00ed podobn\u00fd pocit jako an\u00e1ln\u00ed penetrace nohou od stolu. Je to pomal\u00e9, bolestiv\u00e9 a pro ob\u011b strany velice vy\u010derp\u00e1vaj\u00edc\u00ed. Pokud zrekapitulujeme posledn\u00ed dva roky jeho pr\u00e1ce, d\u00e1me dohromady svazek text\u016f o administrativn\u00ed \u0161ikan\u011b nam\u00ed\u0159en\u00e9 \u017eelv\u00e1m (boj proti rasismu), sb\u011bru trilobit\u016f (z\u00e1bava pro drsn\u00e9ho intelektu\u00e1la) a o krizi st\u0159edn\u00edho v\u011bku (psychiatrick\u00e1 farmacopeia).
\nA podot\u00fdk\u00e1m: kdy\u017e m\u011b nal\u00e1k\u00e1 na velk\u00fd text o mu\u017esk\u00e9 potenci, chci se dozv\u011bd\u011bt recept, jak si zachovat d\u016fstojn\u00e9 \u0161apit\u00f3 a\u017e do d\u016fchodu. M\u00edsto toho se na \u0161esti str\u00e1nk\u00e1ch do\u010dtu o p\u0159ehl\u00eddce erektiln\u00edch dysfunkc\u00ed pana Dole\u017eala. Mo\u017en\u00e1 je na\u010dase, aby Karel Gott sv\u016fj pokoutn\u00fd titul viagrou nadopovan\u00e9ho seniln\u00edho starce v tichosti p\u0159edal dal\u0161\u00ed generaci.<\/p>\n

Matou\u0161<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

Tak tak. Ji\u0159\u00ed X. posledn\u00ed dobou vn\u00e1\u0161\u00ed do \u010desk\u00e9 \u017eurnalistiky jeden velmi praktick\u00fd f\u00edgl \u2013 s\u00e1m si je sv\u00fdm hlavn\u00edm t\u00e9matem. Pokud by \u0161lo pouze o sb\u011br \u017eelv a chov trilobit\u016f, mohli bychom se p\u0159es tuto ne\u0161kodnou \u00fachylku p\u0159en\u00e9st, ale nutit \u010dten\u00e1\u0159e Reflexu k lousk\u00e1n\u00ed \u010dl\u00e1nk\u016f o jeho poruch\u00e1ch erekce? To je teprv extremismus.
\nA je\u0161t\u011b k trilobit\u016fm \u2013 s nimi se JXD poda\u0159il hlod srovnateln\u00fd jen s pam\u00e1tnou report\u00e1\u017e\u00ed, ve kter\u00e9 Honza D\u011bdek v\u00fdhodn\u011b zpen\u011b\u017eil podepsanou desku od Enyi (v\u00edce ZDE<\/strong><\/a>). No uznejte, koho z v\u00e1s by napadlo najmout si na kop\u00e1n\u00ed trilobit\u016f ileg\u00e1ln\u00edho ukrajinsk\u00e9ho d\u011bln\u00edka a pot\u00e9 to vydat za b\u0159itkou soci\u00e1ln\u00ed report\u00e1\u017e?
\nAle JXD nebyl v\u017edy takov\u00fd. D\u0159\u00edv si novina\u0159inu jen zjednodu\u0161oval trikem \u201eombudsman\u201c: \u010dekal, a\u017e se na n\u011bj kdosi obr\u00e1t\u00ed se st\u00ed\u017enost\u00ed jak\u00e9hokoliv druhu a pak se celou situaci vydal \u0159e\u0161it. Mohli jsme si tak p\u0159e\u010d\u00edst report\u00e1\u017ee o magorech, kosmick\u00fdch lidech a kverulantech v\u0161eho druhu, jejich\u017e probl\u00e9my JXD popsal s bezprost\u0159ednost\u00ed jemu vlastn\u00ed. Pan\u00ed Nov\u00e1kovou sleduje CIA. Zeptal jsem se analytika A., co si o tom mysl\u00ed. \u0158\u00edkal, \u017ee je to blbost. Analytik m\u011bl hnusnou kravatu a m\u00e1lo hul\u00ed \u2013 pan\u00ed Nov\u00e1kov\u00e1 m\u00e1 pravdu. Ty tak\u00e9 p\u0159em\u00fd\u0161lej o CIA, drah\u00fd \u010dten\u00e1\u0159i<\/em>. Atd., atd., atd….<\/p>\n

NPy\u0159in<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

Co mysl\u00ed\u0161 t\u00edm slovem \u201ed\u0159\u00edv\u201c? Nemus\u00edm ani moc hrabat ve sv\u00e9 d\u011brav\u00e9 pam\u011bti, abych vyt\u00e1hl jeho report\u00e1\u017e o poltergeistovi, ze kter\u00e9ho se vyklubala zakopan\u00e1 ileg\u00e1ln\u00ed p\u0159\u00edpojka \u010di co. Zato v\u0161ak byl JXD na m\u00edst\u011b u\u017e dv\u011b hodiny po odvys\u00edl\u00e1n\u00ed report\u00e1\u017ee na Nov\u011b. A to bylo je\u0161t\u011b z toho lep\u0161\u00edho soudku. Mezi Ji\u0159\u00edho z\u00e1hadologick\u00fdmi \u010dl\u00e1nky u m\u011b jednozna\u010dn\u011b vede v\u00fdjezd jeho Bubu Research Teamu z roku 2006. Koho z v\u00e1s by napadlo zajet si hned t\u0159ikr\u00e1t do Moravsk\u00e9 T\u0159ebov\u00e9 a zkoumat, pro\u010d se na silnici I. t\u0159\u00eddy kut\u00e1lej\u00ed p\u0159edm\u011bty do kopce? Jasn\u011b, \u017ee to byl jenom optick\u00fd klam. Ale na t\u0159i str\u00e1nky v \u010dasopise to vydalo a kluci se na v\u00fdlet\u011b evidentn\u011b bavili.
\nJXD je v\u016fbec takov\u00fd instantn\u00ed okultista. Dodnes se o m\u011b pokou\u0161\u00ed anafylaktick\u00fd \u0161ok p\u0159i vzpom\u00ednce na jeho vyzn\u00e1n\u00ed l\u00e1sky k buddhismu, proto\u017ee buddhistick\u00e9 zem\u011b jsou pr\u00fd natolik m\u00edrumilovn\u00e9, \u017ee nikdy nikomu ani nevyhl\u00e1sily v\u00e1lku. Pravda, s ozbrojen\u00fdmi silami Bh\u00fat\u00e1nu to nikdy nebylo a\u017e tak \u017ehav\u00e9, ale co t\u0159eba Japonsko?
\nNo a kdy\u017e jsme u toho po\u010d\u00edt\u00e1n\u00ed str\u00e1nek: nejefektivn\u011bji je Ji\u0159\u00ed zaplnil v je\u0161t\u011b aktu\u00e1ln\u00edm v\u00e1no\u010dn\u00edm vyd\u00e1n\u00ed Reflexu ze 17. prosince. Namontovat svou a man\u017eel\u010dinu podobiznu do obr\u00e1zku svat\u00e9 rodiny asi n\u011bkdy napadlo u\u017e ka\u017ed\u00e9ho, kdo v \u017eivot\u011b vid\u011bl photoshop, v chud\u0161\u00edch rodin\u00e1ch pak n\u016f\u017eky. Ale u\u010dinit tak hned dvakr\u00e1t (na stran\u00e1ch 5 a 96), to u\u017e skute\u010dn\u011b vy\u017eaduje takovou kombinaci skromnosti a p\u0159\u00ed\u010detnosti, jakou v na\u0161ich zem\u011bpisn\u00fdch \u0161\u00ed\u0159k\u00e1ch disponuje jen tento sek\u00e1\u010d z Hole\u0161ovic.<\/p>\n

KZ<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

Nechme te\u010f na chv\u00edli stranou J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 jako novin\u00e1\u0159e a pohle\u010fme na J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 jako na ob\u010dana, chovatele a man\u017eela. D\u00edky t\u011bsn\u00e9mu sousedstv\u00ed m\u00e9ho luxusn\u00edho loftov\u00e9ho bytu a budovy Ringieru (\u010dti Uingij\u00e9u), kde J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 nech\u00e1v\u00e1 ejakulovat sv\u00e9ho journalistick\u00e9ho g\u00e9nia na kl\u00e1vesnici po\u010d\u00edta\u010de, se mi povede na velk\u00e9ho investigativce \u010das od \u010dasu narazit. Z t\u011bch m\u00e1la spole\u010dn\u00fdch moment\u016f mohu usuzovat, \u017ee J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 je \u010dlov\u011bk ekologicky uv\u011bdom\u011bl\u00fd, nebo\u0165 na\u0161e n\u00e1hodn\u00e1 dostaven\u00ed\u010dka prob\u00edhaj\u00ed nej\u010dast\u011bji u barevn\u00fdch kontejner\u016f na t\u0159\u00edd\u011bn\u00fd odpad. I kdy\u017e m\u00e1m ni\u010d\u00edm nepodlo\u017een\u00e9 podez\u0159en\u00ed, \u017ee pouze j\u00e1 h\u00e1z\u00edm v\u011bci dovnit\u0159.
\nD\u00e1le je J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 znalcem ve\u0159ejn\u00fdch vyhl\u00e1\u0161ek. I kdy\u017e to n\u011bkter\u00e9 p\u0159ekvap\u00ed a mnoh\u00e9 dokonce \u0161okuje, n\u011bkter\u00e9 z t\u011bchto vyhl\u00e1\u0161ek dokonce respektuje. Mocn\u00e9ho jointa baf\u00e1 v souladu s byrokratick\u00fdm na\u0159\u00edzen\u00edm zp\u016fsobn\u011b n\u011bkolik krok\u016f od zast\u00e1vky tramvaje\u2026
\nA snad je to i nov\u00e1, mlad\u00e1 a v psychologii vzd\u011blan\u00e1 \u017eena, kter\u00e1 podn\u011bcuje jeho smysl pro zodpov\u011bdnost. Nen\u00ed tomu toti\u017e tak d\u00e1vno, co J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 m\u00e9mu chlapci vehementn\u011b cpal zahlen\u011bnou kolonii chovn\u00fdch \u0161nek\u016f. Nutno podotknout, \u017ee tyto dva mu\u017ee nepoj\u00ed p\u0159\u00e1telstv\u00ed, ale pouze povrchn\u00ed spole\u010dn\u00ed jmenovatel\u00e9 jako inkoust pod k\u016f\u017e\u00ed a z\u00e1liba v konzumaci lehk\u00fdch drog. \u0160nek\u016f, kte\u0159\u00ed se pravd\u011bpodobn\u011b neosv\u011bd\u010dili jako n\u00e1m\u011bt ak\u010dn\u011b-zoofiln\u00ed report\u00e1\u017ee, se J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 cht\u011bl zbavit, ani\u017e by se ujistil, zda je m\u016fj chlapec vhodn\u00fdm adeptem pro p\u0159evzet\u00ed takov\u00e9 odpov\u011bdnosti a takov\u00e9ho mno\u017estv\u00ed hlenu. M\u00e1m ov\u0161em za to, \u017ee nyn\u00ed by se J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 ji\u017e nesna\u017eil zbavit \u017eiv\u00fdch tvor\u016f. Koneckonc\u016f v tisku \u0161t\u011bbetal o mal\u00e9m J\u00e9 Iks D\u011b\u0165\u00e1tku a d\u011blat fair trade s d\u011btmi by mu \u017eena jist\u011b zatrhla. Tak\u017ee dnes by se J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9 sp\u00ed\u0161e sna\u017eil m\u00e9mu chlapci vnutit n\u011bkter\u00fd z v\u00fdtisk\u016f liter\u00e1rn\u00edho po\u010dinu sv\u00e9 \u017eeny, jeho\u017e vyd\u00e1n\u00ed marketingov\u00fdm orgasmem ukon\u010dilo reality show nejslavn\u011bj\u0161\u00edho p\u00e1ru \u010desk\u00e9ho \u017eurnalismu. (A Radek John m\u016f\u017ee puknout z\u00e1vist\u00ed\u2026)<\/p>\n

A v\u0161ichni!!!!<\/strong> (na melodii p\u00edsn\u011b Ej B\u00ed S\u00ed D\u00fd \u00cd Ef D\u017e\u00ed…)<\/p>\n

“\u00c1 B\u00e9 C\u00e9 D\u00e9 J\u00e9 Iks D\u00e9
\nU m\u011b nepadne\u0161 na m\u011bk-k\u00e9…”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Haimi: N\u011bjak se to seb\u011bhlo, \u017ee kdy\u017e vezmete do ruky noviny, nesly\u0161\u00edte u\u017e rok o ni\u010dem jin\u00e9m ne\u017e o svatb\u00e1ch pana Ji\u0159\u00edho. Nejd\u0159\u00edv do toho pr\u00e1skne bujn\u011b tvarovan\u00fd veksl\u00e1k Paroubek se svou rachitickou \u017eenou – a te\u010f si pro zm\u011bnu rachitick\u00fd konopn\u00fd baron JXD bere bujnou studentku psychologie. P\u0159edvolebn\u00ed tah Erica Cartmana \u010desk\u00e9 politiky s … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “JXD se \u017een\u00ed, \u010dten\u00e1\u0159 RX p\u011bn\u00ed”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[13,26,19,12],"class_list":["post-393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sukovice","tag-haimi","tag-kz","tag-matous","tag-npyrin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=393"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/393\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vagus.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}